“It has come to our notice that the Governor of Bayelsa State has appointed our First Lady Patience Jonathan as a Permanent Secretary in his state. Upon receipt of the news, the first thing we did was to consult the calendar and lo! It was not yet April 1st. it is either by this appointment the Governor wants to re-invent the calendar for the people of calendar and make any day of his liking and preference the Fool’s Day or this is an attempt to call us all fools.
“Bayelsa may be the least populous state in Nigeria but the fact that
it is responsible for producing the worst president in Nigeria’s
history does not mean it lacks at least one woman who can do a better
job. Are we in fact saying the First Lady all this while earned salaries
as a staff of the government? Would that not essentially mean that she
is one of the millions of ghost workers we have across the country? What
was the rationale behind her appointment? Even the “Jonathan is never
wrong Voltrons” amongst us agree this is the height of communal madness.
We give the Governor and his thinking team credit for being able to
think out of the box but on this count, we’d even prefer they think
within the box. Lest we doubt, in thinking within the box to reward the
god-mother who makes you Governor, you let her choose at least a quarter
of your cabinet, you let her decide what part of the state capital she
wants for herself and you ensure the account she used in running your
campaign never runs lower than the balance it was before your campaign
funding started at any point in time. We cannot say the fact that madam
owns half the properties in central area Abuja and has single-handedly
helped to appoint many a ministers we would re-invent the wheel of “how
to pay the god father.” We cannot and we should not. If madam is not
okay with being rewarded the old naija way, please vacate your seat and
pronounce her Governor. That way we know the madness is beyond curable.”The Union of Goodluck Jonathan Voltrons (UGJV) have themselves expressed shock that one of their own could dare to break the record of what their boss is known for. To them, Governor Dickson’s act amounts to an attempt to outshine the boss. They are shocked and disappointed in the Governor for taking Twitter spotlight from the President. They also added their voice to the call for Governor Dickson to temper common sense with civility and do the right thing. “When we said transformation, we meant in the manner of making worse the things that were bad, not for some over excited governor to come and create something out of the box. The responsibility for doing and saying the unthinkable and unimaginable still lies with our benefactor. We call on him to apologise to the President for such wily act of trying to outshine the boss.”
The “National Distraction Commission Monitors (NDCM)” do not agree with the UGJV. As far the former is concerned, this is another attempt to distract Nigerians from they call “a collection of nonsensical charlatans hell bent on doing anything and everything to keep Nigerians looking the other way, while their ogas steal the nation dry. This is just the latest single release in that quest to keep deceiving and fooling Nigerians. Nigerians must not be distracted by this act to again get Nigerians discombobulated,” as the group tweeted in a not so subtle attempt at grandiloquence. The chairman of the group having read the statement to our correspondents then went on a series of tweets all connected to the incredible appointment. As at the last time we checked, the single is being listened to by all and sundry. The Twitter trends have been dominated by all the various Voltron camps. They may not always agree but they all agree on one thing today; this is madness!
PS: There are reports the Union of Twitter Overlords (UTO) have called for an emergency meeting to outline the next line of action but this was discarded by a Chief Overlord who prefers t be anonymous. He said “we will not spend our time discussing the actions of mad men who have chose madness as their modus operandi. You don’t send a man to jail for acting his madness.”
Omojuwa.com disclaimer: None of these statements have been confirmed to have been expressed
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