Any man or woman that is not from the Lord cannot be a favor to your life but a fire in your bosom.
He that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord (Prov 18:19). House and riches are the inheritance of the father but a prudent wife is from the Lord (Prov 19”14).
101: The first thing we must know here is that, the pursuit or desire to have a wife or husband in your life is not a bad thing but something really good. Congratulations to those who have found already.
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.)
102: We must also understand that, God was talking of a wife/husband here and not just a woman/man. That tells us that we don’t search for women/men but wives/husbands. Women/men are every where on our street. Wives and husbands are rare gems with Godly qualities. You don’t just pick gold on the street. They are not just men/women with physical attributes. So, for the fact that two people walked to the alter to be joined with rings does not make them husband and wife. They
could just be man and woman co-habiting. That is why a lot of people are enduring their marriages today. Everything is now boring .They were only moved by their emotions, feelings and sexual desires. Some of them are married today just because of the pregnancy that came along the way. So, it was the pregnancy that created the bond. It wasn’t that God joined them together.
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.)
103: It also shows that if God does not show you His favor, you may never find a wife or husband for your life. It is not a function of your beauty as a woman or how handsome you may look as a man. Many beautiful ladies and handsome guys are still on the road searching. They have attended a lot of relationship seminars/teaching, reading a lot of books and yet they have not been able to find someone that they can spend the rest of their lives with. Your beauty and physical attributes may draw men/women to you but don’t sustain your marriage. They can’t stand the test of time. The breasts will sag, the beauty will fade, the hair will grow grey and the hips will go out of order no matter how many hours she stays in the gym.
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.).
104: Proverb 19:14. You can inherit houses or riches but can’t inherit a wife or husband. It is not transferable, for the fact that our parents are doing well in their marriages today does not guarantee that our own will be like that. A wife or husband comes from the Lord and no where else. You can’t find him or her in the club, show, hotel, super market etc. He/she must come from the Lord if you must have a promising marriage. It was God that brought Eve to Adam and no one else. I am not limiting it to the four walls of the church. You can meet her any where. But her source must be traced to God. The look or the material things of a man should not determine your “I DO”. What I mean is this, he/she must belong to God; He that does not firstly love God cannot truly love you. Don’t be moved by his sweet words or care. Because he/she does not absolutely understand what love is. For God is love. Let God search and guide you. “Except the Lord builds a house, they labor in vain that build it”
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.).
105: Genesis 2:18. “…and the Lord said it is not good for the man to be alone”
This can be seen from three angles. Firstly, we must understand that God is a father that has many children. He deals with everyone individually and collectively. The first question you must ask as a man is, has God said to me, by the condition i am living now, that it is not good that I should be alone? Not every man should or will get married. It is not a curse. It is not compulsory. It does not stop you from making heaven. That is the truth. Celebrate your singlehood. Rejoice that you are still single. It is a privilege. We do not compete here. It is an individual thing. It is better to be single and believing God for marriage than being married and praying to be single. You must understand that the primary reason why God brought Eve to Adam was to be a HELP (That is not equivalent to SLAVERY). So, it will not make any sense for God to bring a woman to a man that does not have anything he is doing. Adam was busy in the garden. A man that is not doing anything does not deserve a wife. Except if the woman must become redundant in his house. When I say busy, I am not talking of formal jobs here (like Shell, HSBC, JP Morgan, SBJ, Chevron, teaching etc). I mean a purpose for his life. Just having those jobs listed at times does not qualify you for marriage.
Secondly, even if you have something you are doing as a man does not directly qualify you for a HELP. Is it something you cannot do without the help of a woman? After all, there was no single record in the Bible where Apostle Paul got married. Because God would not have said Adam needed a help if Adam could survive on his own. So, you don’t go into marriage just because your friends are getting married. It will not make any sense in the end.
Thirdly, there is something called timing. So, even if God has it in mind for you to get married, the time that the wife/husband must come into your life is as important as the wife/husband herself/himself. So that you do not waste your time, experiences and unnecessary emotional trauma. It is not a function of age. Some are qualified at 25. While some are not ready even if they are 40 including the ladies. The issue of time is vital if you must have a successful marriage. Anytime you feel pressurized, then Devil is at work. That is not God. We don’t go into marriage in company and every lady must note this. Age should not be your driving force. You should not be moved by your friends that are getting married. He maketh things beautiful at their time.
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.).
106: On the part of the woman, your question is simple before you say I DO. The question is, is there anything, purpose or project in the life of this man that I am coming into to help him to do? You cannot afford to say yes to a man that is not doing anything or a man that does not know what he is aiming at in life. It is a very risky venture. You must not just be moved by words or material things. There is more to marriage than that. As a woman, you need to understand that no matter what you become in life, you must operate under a man. For there your glory is laid. If you like, become a great minister of God, business guru, get the whole Harvard library stuck in head and swallow the entire Cambridge as well. It doesn’t matter. Even if you get married to an unbelieving husband, and he tells you not to go to church, you are bound by it. If you force your way to church, then you have sinned. Can you see why you can’t afford to miss it especially as a lady . The Bible says Jesus is the glory and the head of the church, so the man is the head of the woman. Your absolute allegiance goes to husband. He is the crown on your head. This is why you cannot take the risk of going to the alter to say yes to a man that does not know his purpose in life. If you dare, your life will just end in 3-fold ministry (cooking, Raising children and sex) and nothing will be known about your life as some are currently experiencing. Don’t you know that there is a difference in glory between buying a car for yourself with your own money and your husband buying one for you? Or you do not know that it carries more prestige when you show your friends the car bought for you by your husband than the one bought with your own money? Not that women cannot display their own glory by themselves but it is more hidden in their husbands. So you don’t have any reason to rush. It makes things beautiful in their time. That is why it is only a foolish and wicked woman that will wish to be greater than her husband. It was not so in the beginning. (Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.).
107: Genesis 2:18. God said “…….I will make a helper meet for him”.
If you see deeply, the word “I” here is no one else but God and God alone. So it is God that makes and not you. You cannot influence or help God to make a woman or man to have interest in you. All you will succeed doing is dragging his body towards you but his mind will be far from you. And nothing brings frustration and anger than that. And every lady should note this. Men cannot be tied down with sex. For the fact that you allow him to have his way doesn’t make him your own or make him change his mind. By nature, we men are care-free. And concerning sex, we don’t have taste in quote. We believe the down towns are the same in all women. That is why some men can go all the way to sleep with mad women, corpses etc. So, you don’t allow that as a woman. Any man that cannot wait, pay your bride price and ready for you till death must not screw you up. This is where a lot of us are missing it. He made them male and female. There is a man for every woman and I don’t believe that the reason why men are not really coming to you is because you are ugly. Remember, nobody rushes towards an item in a show glass. They may be seeing you as something too precious for them. But if you really feel that way, all that you need to do, is to just work on your look. Some of you are just too busy and serious. No man likes that. Learn to dress very well and maintain a high level of hygiene.
Going back to my point, at every point in time, the man wants to make the woman to have interest in him by engaging in all sorts of gimmicks. They play on their psyche with a lot of things including money. Even the ladies too especially those ones that are coming from poverty striking background don’t want to continue will that any longer.So, she easily falls for a wrong guy all in the name of money. Some ladies will go the extra mile by dressing in all sorts of revealing materials in order to seduce guys towards them, showing them the stuffs they have got on the inside or just for them to get attention. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying people shouldn’t dress or look good. But if your appearance or look or the way you do your things is designed in order to influence the thought and opinion of the other person, then you will be wrong in the end. That is you trying to make the woman/man for yourself. The danger of it is this. If all you do as a man is to influence the opinion of a woman with your material display, one day is coming, someone else will out bid you, and she will be forced to follow him. And for my ladies, if all you do is to get his attention by your revealing clothes or allowing him to sleep with you. One day is coming, another lady will beat you in the bid of sexual service delivery and he will be forced to follow her. This is why some married men are out there sleeping around because some of them were drawn by their so called wives into the marriage with sex. So, by the time you become pregnant and very heavy, the man will go out and explore. Because the foundation that carried the house was faulty. So let God do the making. All that you need to do is to stay calm, be busy with your personal and God’s work, dress and look good all the time, talk well, don’t be rude etc. Along the way, God will bring him or her your way like a dream in the night. Let your maker and builder be God.
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.).
108: Genesis 2;18 “……a help meet for him” My challenge with a lot of people here especially ladies is that, we easily judge our future by our present state. Doing this, we place qualities on our relationship even when it is obvious that no man or woman can meet such a height. My husband/wife must be this and that. This has led some people to their early graves especially among the female folks and many are yet to learn. God does not choose for us based on now. He knows your tomorrow than everyone including yourself. So, God chooses for you having your future barely in mind. So, He is not moved by what you are feeling now. He is the author and finisher of your life. By nature, human beings are myopic and limited in wisdom and understanding. So, we place our relationship demand on what we can see, touch and how we feel about the other person. There are some people that may meet/fit our present state today but won’t fit in tomorrow. Then, the battle begins.
This is why a lot of marriages have crashed. Some wicked governors/presidents are no longer comfortable with their wives as first ladies again. Because, when they were getting married to those women about 10-15-20 years ago, they never had it in mind that they could become presidents/governors in their life time. Now! Their women don’t meet that level/demand again as far they are concerned in appearance, dressing, talking, carriage etc. That becomes a problem. Because those women are no longer relevant in their lives and positions again. This is why we must throw away all those our present laid down qualities that tend to hinder us from the primary will of God. This is why God is never moved by your current state. He chooses for you having your future need in mind. Truly, there are some women/men that will not fit you again in future when everything about you would have been enlarged. In vision, influence, dream, ministry etc . Can you put on a cloth you wore 15years ago? The answer is NO! You can’t. Because you have outgrown it. This was why Eve was created as a helper MEET for him. So, all these rich, tall, short, white, black etc do not help in the end. They will only put us in bondage and make our lives miserable in the end. Let the builder and maker be God. So let God make him or her for you so that he/she will not just fit you for today alone but also tomorrow.
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.).
109: Genesis 2:21. …and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place.
You could see that even God could not do anything on Adam until he firstly put him to sleep. This is how it is done. This is God’s process of finding a wife for Adam and any for any of his children. To sleep here means to rest. Adam needed to rest .A restless and anxious mind cannot hear God or work in his will. It simply means he agrees with God to choose for him. He let go of worries, anxiety, emotions, personal standard etc. It is all about surrendering every thing to God to handle and control. A man will continue to hold on to lot of things as long as he is awake and active. But once he sleeps, he drops everything. Our standards and qualities of how we want our man or woman to be are things hindering God from perform surgical operations in our lives as he did for Adam. No doctor will tear you without firstly putting you under anesthesia. Here, the patient becomes the most impatient person around. You must wait for God to act on your behalf. Ask God to put you to rest on the matter. If God has not worked on the case, what can you do?
(Many of them struggle today………because they couldn’t find a trace that it was God that led them into it.).
110: Ecclesiastes 3:1-3. There is time for everything under heaven and he makes everything beautiful in its time. Nothing is great and beautiful until its time arrives. Everybody’s path is not your path. Others might have done it and gone scout free but you can’t. If a wet wood could be burnt, what do you think would happen to the dry one? Marriage/relationship is not something you can just dabble into without being absolutely sure that God is leading you. I will rather advise you to stay and remain single than being married and end up in civil war.
For you as a lady, nothing must entice you than the word of God. And you don’t get it until you belong to him. Do the basic with the wisdom that God has given you. Serve God with all your body, soul, spirit and might. Love everyone around you. Keep the right company always. Learn to talk in public and stay reserved. Don’t be arrogant and show respect all the time.
Along the way, that God fearing and chosen man will come at the right time. When, he comes, you will know. For the spirit will bear witness. There will be peace all around you and you will not be pressurized whatsoever. Even if challenges rise along the way, Your Lord is your father. He will give you the wisdom to manage it.
Per adventure you are in one already that seems to be struggling or not being sure of the will of God, the solution is dissolve it. A broken relationship is better than an enduring marriage. Put your trust in the Lord and he will show you the right path. Then, you will look back after many years of your marriage, and say truly, the Lord led me into it.
Thank you for your time. I wish you all the best in this journey. Remember. JESUS IS LORD!
Written by: Tunde Adenuga
Inspired by: The Holy Spirit
Consulting items:
• The Holy Bible
• Bro Gbile Akani's material
• Bishop David Abioye's material
• And many more including my personal research work.
Follow me on twitter>> @Adenugatunde1
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